Urban dictionary defines a poker face as : A face on a person that shows no emotion, often called poker face because in the game of poker it would be foolish to show any emotional traits that might screw the game for you.
Now i know what you are asking yourself.. what does this have to do with log dropping? Well i plan to regale you with a tale of when poker facing took on a new meaning.. and NO i don't mean a Lady GaGa song... although in hindsight it would be pretty funny to hear that playing as this dramatic colon cleansing was happening... But i digress.
This is a story that im sure everyone has had happen to them.. hell you may even do it yourself unknowingly.. this story is more of an education piece so you can spot a poker face happening and then deal with the matter properly.
Here is how it will happen... and it is usually always the same.. you walk into a dookie depot and someone has visited ahead of you and they are in the process of ass blasting the torlet as they hear the creaking of the door they panic and clench their cheeks and hold back the rushing torrent of scat.. you may hear a slight grunt of pain as stopping such a thing is not always easy.. and then the person will hold it until you leave.. the only problem with this... is when you enter the stall next to them.. im not sure why people go to the bathroom and actually are ashamed to purify their rectum.. i celebrate the event.. but not these people... oh no.. they will then try as hard as they can to not let a single nugget of filthy goodness pass out of their stink chute.
Now you may be wondering how they can hold it for so long.. and here is the kicker.. if someone comes in and flushes the urinal (sorry ladies) or wash their hands in the sink they will try to unleash the beast in that short amount of time.. or just release the pressure from the reactor as it were.. usually its just a pressure release so they can reinforce the defenses on the task at hand poker facing the deuce.
Some may go as far as completing the deed and waiting till no one else is in the bathroom before emerging from the stall..now on to the story since you now have some background on what is happening when people are camping out in the crapper..
At a previous job we had a very small 2 stall creepy buffalo bill ala silence of the lambs bathroom the walls were tile and they looked like they had been stolen from a myan temple long ago and reused.. everything just looked like it was covered in moss... there was a strange round communal sink where you had to step on a foot bar to get water to work.. there was no hot or cold setting.. this bathroom my friends was ghetto...
The one saving grace of this bathroom was the colorful writing on the bathroom stalls.. it truly gave you the feeling of a truck stop shitter without angry bubba waiting outside the door waiting to pinch a loaf and grunting in agony as he waited for the sackless guy who was too afraid to pony up to the communal urinals that lined the walls while two sweaty dirty men took up 3 spaces each while pissing in one urinal.. but i digress...
So back to the story.. i walk into the bathroom to drain my heavenly nectar into the awaiting piss receptical and i notice that someone is int he stall.. but are they doing work? no its silent.. so using the information from above i recognize the situation and i grin to myself.. this sho am gun be good i say to myself.. so i finish my business and wash my hands at that gawd awful contraption they called a sink but here is where i pull a major power play in the poker face shitter game.. i open the door and let it close but i dont walk out i let the door close and stand there without making a noise so the person in the stall thinks all is a go for blast off.. as soon as the person lets out a sigh of relief and continues his business i quickly run over to the stall door and kick it like i am the FBI about to raid someones house.. the guy must have been scared half to death cause alls i hear from the stall is WHAT IN HOLY HELL i then yell HAHAHA GOT YA! on the way out of the bathroom i turn out the lights and then throw a few wet paper towel balls at him as the pitch blackness envelopes him.
That my friends is how you deal with a poker face.
