The Darkness

I am going to tell a story.. of something that has changed my life forever.. it was a day like any other. I had the urge to loose my bowels so i took a trip to the bathroom area near my section.. everything seemed a little off that day.. i opened the door to the bathroom but it was quiet as i stepped foot into the bathroom.....almost eerily quiet i didn't think much of it at the time because i had a hulk brewing in my lower colon area that could kill a small population of rodents or a large population of roaches.. i open the door to the handicapped stall.. cause well.. who doesn't like the extra leg room where you can spread out and relax while expending the waste of previous meals that have passed through your gullet.

To my shock and horror it looked as if someone had taken a high speed fan and placed it on the ground and proceeded to shit into the blades splattering fecal matter all over the toilet.. the porcelain looked as if it had freckles.. i quickly turned away from the train wreck that was this shit storm and decided to make due with the slightly cramping claustrophobic stall next door... its like comparing a Cadillac and a Pinto as far as accommodations amenities and leg room.. but any port in a storm.. that's what my third grade gym teacher said... or did he say "Do it Faggot!" but i digress...

Nothing could prepare me for what i was about to witness.. the door creaked open slowly and then i saw it.. the black hole.. the essence of pure evil.. i swear i saw a specter of a shit demon escape from its porcelain prison...it was... The Darkness... light could not penetrate it.. to look directly at it was a death warrant waiting to be signed.. pure evil was manifested out of a lowly mortals waste chute.. I must admit.. i was shocked.. i was scared.. but down in a guttural part of my brain i was fascinated.. i had forgotten why i had strolled into the bathroom on that faithful day.. i knew i needed to take action.. i quickly rushed back to alert my co worker of the experience i had just witnessed..

I must say the tale sounds unreal.. unnatural hard to believe so i was not shocked when he said he had to see it for himself.. we both took the trip together.. the eerie silence was still there.. the next thing i noticed..this being my second trip was the lack of odor....a sane person would think that pure evil would have a smell that would dull the mind and send people screaming into the night rending flesh from their bones while laughing like a lunatic. But that was not present.. it was calm and tranquil.. my buddy took one look at it and said "I have to get a picture of this.."

He returned shortly after with his Digital SLR and a tripod i had to laugh.. no one had come in but what would they think seeing two guys taking a picture of the devils afterbirth in a toilet? Honestly i could not care about what people would think.. it had to be documented.. after the picture was taken after further examination it was confirmed that the stuff from inside this porcelain prison was in fact natural.. it was not ink as i had first expected.. i could see the tell tail signs of bean skins..

I can tell you that sometimes my dreams are haunted by this sight.. i will attach a picture for your viewing.. but it is not for the feint of heart.. it should not be taken lightly either.. nor should this picture be viewed anywhere near the witching hour.. (around 3:00 am) as i am not sure what dark forces could be unleashed by this action... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

The Arrival

It starts as a slow rumble...you think nothing of it..you and your family are on a car ride maybe going to a picnic or to the zoo the sun is shining birds are singing..not a care in the world to be had..

A few minutes later you feel a larger grumble and you start to feel a little warm...."oh no this cant be happening" you silently think to yourself not now...but the wheels of fate have been set into motion... nothing you can do now will help..you start to feel even warmer a cold sweat break across your brow no one in the car is aware of the peril you are in...

The dreaded carshiticus maximus...... the rumble in your stomach starts to sound like someone pulling a boot out of a muck filled bog your wife looks over and instantly aware that something is wrong...maybe its your white knuckles gripping the steering wheel or the look on your face that reminds her of someone eating a lemon while a cattle prod sears the flesh off of your ass....you speed up weaving in and out of traffic trying to find sanctuary where you can birth the demon that is currently haunting your intestinal tract...but you are on the highway and the next exit isn't for 3 miles...speeding down the highway with reckless abandon you manage to make the exit.. a large gulp erupts from your stomach.. you think you are in the clear.. but oh no like a receding wave the gut wrenching feeling rushes over you with sudden fury.. so much so your eyes well up with tears.. then in the distance you spot it.. the familiar glowing light of salvation a fast food restaurant... you jump the curb and slam the car into park the shocked look of fright on your kids faces as you hop run across the parking lot like a marathon runner with a hamstring cramp trying to damn the flow of noxious vapor and searing hot magma shit pounding at your weakening sphincter muscle you bowl over an elderly woman and dash to the bathroom you start unbuckeling your belt and unzipping your pants as you slam into the mens room door you stumble a bit and almost dont make it...pants around your ankles you lunge to the seat and unleash the fury of 1000 angry gods the vapors spill forth and your legs shake...you have just survived a photo finish...