Rage Shitter

As i sit in the usual handicapped stall with my legs spread free enjoying a well deserved hulk.. the door to the bathroom slams open. In that instant i could feel the anger eminating from the person who had entered this sanctuary of shitting.. the calm serenity was shattered.

The man grumbled as he slammed the door to the adjacent stall and began to curse as he seemed to be wiping the seat with toilet paper and ripping an ass gasket from the pack on the wall.. i sat frozen daring not to breath or drop another log for fear it may escalate this situation to a level i was not prepared to endure with my pants around my ankles.

As the entity of pure anger sat feet away from me.. angrily releasing his bodily waste into the toilet.. half grunting half swearing and muttering curses in tongues that this earth has not heard in hundreds of thousands of years I tried to think of a game plan.. some sort of exit strategy to escape this soon to be violent encounter.. Although i am quite skilled in battle and warfare this was different.. this would be a fight for my life that i was not mentally prepared to deal with.

Luckily for me it did not come to that.. as fast as the encounter started it went just as quick.. the man had managed to angrily force copious amounts of shit from his body in a demonically fast time.. i heard the noise of sheets upon sheets of paper being removed from the dispenser and the furious rubbing trying to remove layer upon layer of skin.. why would someone hate themselfs so much to want to abuse their body in such a way...but it hit me.. this was a rage shitter... and it was not something i wanted to toy with..

The toilet flushed as the man cursed more as he violently washed his hands and left the bathroom.. the tranquility slowly returned to this shitting haven but the foul angry putrid smell of his shit had not...

I walk away from this encounter learning a few things.. rage and shitting is not healthy.. nor is attacking your vulnerable rectal area with large wads of toilet paper causing friction to spread wild fires on your anal hair region due to its not so soft qualities.

Cavemen?

A thick white fog encased me.. in the distance i could hear the chatter and chirping of prehistoric insects something didn't feel right... i hear the roar of a tyrannosaurus rex i dart my head around but all i see is white.. then a cave man lets out a guttural moan as he charges towards me...as the hairy behemoth lunges for me i jolt back into reality.


A bead of cold sweat rolls down my forehead...My vision clears as i see the all familiar baby snot green walls of the bathroom stall..something just inst right though.. then i hear it.. the guttural grunting of a wounded animal..Apparently the person next to me either consumed a years worth of cheese in a short time.. or they were in labor.. i could hear the person whispering to himself in between the attempted forced ejection of rectal waste.. To this day i am not sure if the man was speaking in tongues or just praying to himself begging for forgiveness for what he was about to unleash into the world.. but i know one thing.. i was not prepared for what was about to take place.


I heard one more long grunt that sounded like someone trying to lift a grand piano by themselves and move it a few feet to only find it had wheels the whole time.. it sounded like triumph..the plop that hit the water sounded like someone throwing a large black plastic trash bag full of cottage cheese into a tub of tepid water... sure a normal person hearing that would assume the worst was over.. but no no my friend..the worst was yet to come.. there was an stillness in the air.. sort of like the calm before the storm... then the clouds rolled in.. the man muttered under his breath.. and then it happened.. it from my front row seat to this freak show i can only describe it as someone unplugging a fire hydrant.. the torrent of liquid that escaped this poor souls sphincter could break the hoover dam.. the smell that proceeded this event will forever scar my nasal tissue..my eyes watered i fought for every breath.. if you have ever been sprayed with pepper spray.. you will know what i mean.. but this was not pepper spray this was a shit demon at its best..

There was nothing more that i wanted than sweet escape to distance myself from the possession that was happening feet away from me.. but i could not move.. i was transfixed like gazing into a vipers eyes.. my mind screamed get out of there move.. do it now.. but my body would no respond...the voodoo magic that this mans anus wove had frozen me in place...i have never felt so helpless..

Then without warning it was over.. i was shocked.. and appalled the torrent of liquid stopped.. i waited.. i didn't hear the familiar rip of toilet paper.. i just heard the jingling of a belt and the stall door unlock as a flush was granted my poor mortal soul.. i was bewildered.. surely after such an anal escapade half a roll of toilet paper was needed to purify the rectal region.. but no.. the door to the stall swung open.. the person emerged.. he said nay nay to washing his hands and exited the bathroom...

To this day i lay awake at night wondering how this could be possible.. what type of creature would do such a thing and not clean up after themselves.. or wash their hands.. it was enough o give myself a phobia for touching anything in the building.. i waited till someone else walked onto the bathroom as i darted for the door limbo sliding out like a man with a spinal injury.. daring not to touch anything for fear of contamination.. i made my way back to my desk to recount this story to others around me... so read this as a warning.. there are things out in this world that we do not know about.. was it a caveman? did this prehistoric creature somehow survive all this time just to infect others? i do not know.. but consider yourself warned!

I wake up in the morning, put my foot to the floor, make a fifty-yard dash to the bathroom door.

Some people think it's funny, but it's really dark and runny.

It needn't cause you pain, you just sit and let it drain.

It's painful as it issues, from those hot and burning tissues.

It's stinky, brown and smelly, as it chugs out of your belly.

It's made of corn and beans, and it comes in shades of greens.

If you're climbing up a ladder, and you feel something splatter.

Hulkamania!