Cavemen?

A thick white fog encased me.. in the distance i could hear the chatter and chirping of prehistoric insects something didn't feel right... i hear the roar of a tyrannosaurus rex i dart my head around but all i see is white.. then a cave man lets out a guttural moan as he charges towards me...as the hairy behemoth lunges for me i jolt back into reality.


A bead of cold sweat rolls down my forehead...My vision clears as i see the all familiar baby snot green walls of the bathroom stall..something just inst right though.. then i hear it.. the guttural grunting of a wounded animal..Apparently the person next to me either consumed a years worth of cheese in a short time.. or they were in labor.. i could hear the person whispering to himself in between the attempted forced ejection of rectal waste.. To this day i am not sure if the man was speaking in tongues or just praying to himself begging for forgiveness for what he was about to unleash into the world.. but i know one thing.. i was not prepared for what was about to take place.


I heard one more long grunt that sounded like someone trying to lift a grand piano by themselves and move it a few feet to only find it had wheels the whole time.. it sounded like triumph..the plop that hit the water sounded like someone throwing a large black plastic trash bag full of cottage cheese into a tub of tepid water... sure a normal person hearing that would assume the worst was over.. but no no my friend..the worst was yet to come.. there was an stillness in the air.. sort of like the calm before the storm... then the clouds rolled in.. the man muttered under his breath.. and then it happened.. it from my front row seat to this freak show i can only describe it as someone unplugging a fire hydrant.. the torrent of liquid that escaped this poor souls sphincter could break the hoover dam.. the smell that proceeded this event will forever scar my nasal tissue..my eyes watered i fought for every breath.. if you have ever been sprayed with pepper spray.. you will know what i mean.. but this was not pepper spray this was a shit demon at its best..

There was nothing more that i wanted than sweet escape to distance myself from the possession that was happening feet away from me.. but i could not move.. i was transfixed like gazing into a vipers eyes.. my mind screamed get out of there move.. do it now.. but my body would no respond...the voodoo magic that this mans anus wove had frozen me in place...i have never felt so helpless..

Then without warning it was over.. i was shocked.. and appalled the torrent of liquid stopped.. i waited.. i didn't hear the familiar rip of toilet paper.. i just heard the jingling of a belt and the stall door unlock as a flush was granted my poor mortal soul.. i was bewildered.. surely after such an anal escapade half a roll of toilet paper was needed to purify the rectal region.. but no.. the door to the stall swung open.. the person emerged.. he said nay nay to washing his hands and exited the bathroom...

To this day i lay awake at night wondering how this could be possible.. what type of creature would do such a thing and not clean up after themselves.. or wash their hands.. it was enough o give myself a phobia for touching anything in the building.. i waited till someone else walked onto the bathroom as i darted for the door limbo sliding out like a man with a spinal injury.. daring not to touch anything for fear of contamination.. i made my way back to my desk to recount this story to others around me... so read this as a warning.. there are things out in this world that we do not know about.. was it a caveman? did this prehistoric creature somehow survive all this time just to infect others? i do not know.. but consider yourself warned!