The Arrival

It starts as a slow rumble...you think nothing of it..you and your family are on a car ride maybe going to a picnic or to the zoo the sun is shining birds are singing..not a care in the world to be had..

A few minutes later you feel a larger grumble and you start to feel a little warm...."oh no this cant be happening" you silently think to yourself not now...but the wheels of fate have been set into motion... nothing you can do now will help..you start to feel even warmer a cold sweat break across your brow no one in the car is aware of the peril you are in...

The dreaded carshiticus maximus...... the rumble in your stomach starts to sound like someone pulling a boot out of a muck filled bog your wife looks over and instantly aware that something is wrong...maybe its your white knuckles gripping the steering wheel or the look on your face that reminds her of someone eating a lemon while a cattle prod sears the flesh off of your ass....you speed up weaving in and out of traffic trying to find sanctuary where you can birth the demon that is currently haunting your intestinal tract...but you are on the highway and the next exit isn't for 3 miles...speeding down the highway with reckless abandon you manage to make the exit.. a large gulp erupts from your stomach.. you think you are in the clear.. but oh no like a receding wave the gut wrenching feeling rushes over you with sudden fury.. so much so your eyes well up with tears.. then in the distance you spot it.. the familiar glowing light of salvation a fast food restaurant... you jump the curb and slam the car into park the shocked look of fright on your kids faces as you hop run across the parking lot like a marathon runner with a hamstring cramp trying to damn the flow of noxious vapor and searing hot magma shit pounding at your weakening sphincter muscle you bowl over an elderly woman and dash to the bathroom you start unbuckeling your belt and unzipping your pants as you slam into the mens room door you stumble a bit and almost dont make it...pants around your ankles you lunge to the seat and unleash the fury of 1000 angry gods the vapors spill forth and your legs shake...you have just survived a photo finish...